The Fear in Me

She’s smiling at me from the walls.

I don’t want to suck my thumb because I’m a big girl now. . . I turned 4 in June and mama got me a big cake, she didn’t make it herself because she says she’s a lawyer not a baker. When I grow up I’m want to be a baker so I can bake many cakes and eat them all, I won’t share with Lola. She always yells at me when I wake her up “Go back to sleep Mide or I will make you sleep forever” I don’t know what that means, how can she make anyone sleep forever? I think it’s stupid and I know mama thinks so too because she yells at Lola and tells her not to say things like that.

I wish she’ll go away. I shut my eyes but I can still see her in my head. I opened them again, I tried not to look but my eyes go there.

She’s on the wall above the closet. Why won’t she leave me alone?

Oh! I remove my thumb from my mouth I didn’t know how it went in there, I swear I didn’t. I wipe it on my blanket, I don’t want mama to know; she says sucking your thumb is nasty because of the germs and stuff. I try not to do it but sometimes I get so scared and it goes in my mouth by itself. I turn over to the other side, I can see Lola lying on her bed; her blankets are on the floor.

Now she’s on the wall above Lola’s bed and she’s still smiling.


I don’t know what she wants with me. Is she going to hurt me? Sadie was nice but then she got sick and it made her go away forever. I heard mama say they put her in a coffin. . . a coffin is like a shoe box only bigger, Lola told me that. Then they put the coffin in the ground and covered it with sand but I don’t think they did it right because she is on the wall in my room. My legs begin to shake; I don’t want her to be here. My thumb hurts because my teeth is scratching on it real hard.

She is laughing now but I can’t hear any sound, I see her mouth open wide.

My stomach hurts so bad and I. . . I think my chest is going to break. “Lola?” I call her but she doesn’t wake up. I try to call her again but nothing comes out of my mouth.

Sadie is waving now and I think she is coming closer.

I shut my eyes, my face is wet from my tears, my hand is wet from my drool and my body is wet from. . .

“Mummy, Mummy! Mummy!”

Lights come on. I hear Mummy’s voice. I feel her.

I’m floating.

I smell Daddy. I feel safe.

“Just your imagination sweetie, Just your overactive imagination” Mommy’s voice in my ears.