I delivered a baby today. It was nice. It’s always nice. There’s something very special about bringing a new life into the world, everyone says that, I know but it truly is.
It was a boy.
I held him in my arms for a bit and once the pleasure wore off, I couldn’t help but wonder what his life would be like. What I was delivering him into a miserable existence? What if he rues the day he was born? Would he hate me? The person who was instrumental in bringing him into the world? I would
The room became silent and the mood apprehensive. He hadn’t cried - The sign to show he was fine. His mom asked if he was alright. One of the two nurses assured her he was, while the other looked at me, waiting for me to hand him over so they can have his mouth and nose suctioned to aid breathing.
I hesitated.
What if he didn’t want to be here? What if he knows what awaits him? Why should I force life on him when clearly he does not want it.
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind when he opened his mouth and let out a loud scream. All three women laughed in relief. I handed to the nurse and watched them coo over him as they wiped him down.
His mother watched intently, tears running down her face. He was the most beautiful thing she’d had ever seen, she said. The nurses agreed.
I can’t say if his going to be a looker or not but for his sake I hope he is. The world is very cruel to the have nots.
Sitting behind my desk 30minutes later, the pleasure now completely worn off, I wondered what was wrong with me. I seem to be going through the motions and it at that moment I came to the conclusion that I was bored. Bored with life, bore with work, bored with love, bored with everything.
I need some excitement.
I need to remind myself that I am alive and the only to do that , the only way I’ve ever done was through death. . . specifically murder.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Circle of Life - Living
Tonight I had dinner with an old friend and ex lover. We chatted about nothing and everything, both of us working hard to keep up the façade that we were mature enough to still be friends. We had to. . . we had no one else in the world but each other, we were stuck whether we liked it or not.
I asked how his work was going, he answered splendid. Good and his health? Not bad, just the usual ulcer that comes with being an online broker. I told him about a new medication and promised to get him some. You’re always on, aren’t you he said. Well, that’s why they make us take the oath, I reply. This was a running joke with us. He asked what else was new in my life, I was going to say nothing but then for no apparent reason, I told him about the baby boy I had delivered the day before and how it had brought out a strange feeling in me. He smirked and asked me if I my biological clock was ticking. I told him I didn’t think I had one. This made him laugh.
He offered to walk me home. . . he didn’t think the neighborhood was safe for a girl walking alone at night. So many dangers lurking in the corner, I agreed, giving him the opening he needed to launch into a tirade about me still living like a pauper. As he had done a million times before, he offered to find a place for me in the ritzy side of town where he lived and as I had done a million times before, I declined. I like where I live, the noise, the rotten stench, the smell of human suffering, it all spoke to me. I didn’t tell him that, he would only tell me I needed to break away from the environment we’d both grown up – The State Orphanage, where no matter how clean it was, it never lost the oppressive air and smell that clung to it.
A couple of blocks from my apartment stood what used to be a playground. Now it was a meeting place for the homeless. Every day they come there, old and young, man and woman, children and teenagers, sometimes in groups, sometimes alone. No matter how different they are, they all wore the same expression – Hopelessness
A complete contrast to what I had witnessed the day before. A mother who looked at her son with hope filled eyes. He would grow up to be great; I bet she prayed just as I’m sure somebody did for these ones. Obviously prayers were no match for fate. . . how else can one explain why they were huddle over a burning trashcan trying to keep one, the same trashcan they fed from, drank from and clothed from. Every morning they wake up to a day with no promise, yet they continued to. . . I found it all very fascinating.
No surprise. . . my companion didn’t share in my fascination. He turned his nose up and cursed. Something had to be done about these bums, the scum of society, invisible to the rest of the world, they ought to be carted off to a deserted island, it wasn’t if they will be missed, he spat in disgust and that’s when it hit me.
My heart pumped faster, I felt the blood rush to my head and it was like I was coming back to life.
My boredom elevated and Tomorrow suddenly held promise.
I asked how his work was going, he answered splendid. Good and his health? Not bad, just the usual ulcer that comes with being an online broker. I told him about a new medication and promised to get him some. You’re always on, aren’t you he said. Well, that’s why they make us take the oath, I reply. This was a running joke with us. He asked what else was new in my life, I was going to say nothing but then for no apparent reason, I told him about the baby boy I had delivered the day before and how it had brought out a strange feeling in me. He smirked and asked me if I my biological clock was ticking. I told him I didn’t think I had one. This made him laugh.
He offered to walk me home. . . he didn’t think the neighborhood was safe for a girl walking alone at night. So many dangers lurking in the corner, I agreed, giving him the opening he needed to launch into a tirade about me still living like a pauper. As he had done a million times before, he offered to find a place for me in the ritzy side of town where he lived and as I had done a million times before, I declined. I like where I live, the noise, the rotten stench, the smell of human suffering, it all spoke to me. I didn’t tell him that, he would only tell me I needed to break away from the environment we’d both grown up – The State Orphanage, where no matter how clean it was, it never lost the oppressive air and smell that clung to it.
A couple of blocks from my apartment stood what used to be a playground. Now it was a meeting place for the homeless. Every day they come there, old and young, man and woman, children and teenagers, sometimes in groups, sometimes alone. No matter how different they are, they all wore the same expression – Hopelessness
A complete contrast to what I had witnessed the day before. A mother who looked at her son with hope filled eyes. He would grow up to be great; I bet she prayed just as I’m sure somebody did for these ones. Obviously prayers were no match for fate. . . how else can one explain why they were huddle over a burning trashcan trying to keep one, the same trashcan they fed from, drank from and clothed from. Every morning they wake up to a day with no promise, yet they continued to. . . I found it all very fascinating.
No surprise. . . my companion didn’t share in my fascination. He turned his nose up and cursed. Something had to be done about these bums, the scum of society, invisible to the rest of the world, they ought to be carted off to a deserted island, it wasn’t if they will be missed, he spat in disgust and that’s when it hit me.
My heart pumped faster, I felt the blood rush to my head and it was like I was coming back to life.
My boredom elevated and Tomorrow suddenly held promise.
The Circle of Life - Death
The phrase “unplanned death” makes no sense. Every death is planned, maybe not by the one who is dying but planned nonetheless. I think instead of unplanned death, it should be called unconsciously planned death. A man who dies in a car accident wasn’t the victim of an unplanned death, from the moment he bought the car. . . his death was planned.
It took me three weeks of meticulous planning. Three weeks of watching and waiting. Three weeks and I found him. He was just perfect. The right height, the right weight, the right build. . . just perfect. He had been a little suspicious when I first approached but he quickly dismissed “Just a girl” I could almost hear him say. We talked. . . well I did the talking at first but by our 3rd meeting, he opened up. I brought him canned apricots and a loaf of bread. He eat it all in one sitting and then apologized. He’d not had fresh bread in years, he said. . . I told him I understood. He told me about himself over milk and cookies. . . I baked them and I listened attentively. A veteran he said he was, served his country like a good citizen but lost himself in the process. Over a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice, he asked me why I was doing this. I’m a doctor, I replied matter of factly, it is my job to end suffering and pain. Thank you very much he said, my pleasure I answered.
He trusted me.
It was time.
I chose a weekend. . . I wanted to savor it.
Friday - Woke up as usual, went to work, did my rounds, wrote my notes like the good doctor I was. A package came for me, it was the ulcer meds I had ordered 2 days before. I made a phone call, it’s here I told him, come over tonight and get them. I gave the nurses instructions for the patient in bed 8. If her temperature rises above 100, page me. With my purse in hand, I walked out of the hospital.
At home, I did my yoga. No sooner had I finished that the bell rang. I opened the door and he walked in, no hi or how was your day, just another tirade about not being careful, opening the door without asking who it was. He could have been anyone he ranted. I wasn’t expecting anyone, I retorted casually, I was expecting him. He scrunched his face up and I laughed and grabbed the pills out of my purse, handed it to him. . . once a day, instructed firmly. Yes mum, he answered, rolling his eyes. He ripped it open and swallowed one. Any big plans for the weekend? He asked. I thought for a sec and replied nothing big. I didn’t have to ask, If he had any plans . . . apart from the occasional golf with a few acquaintances, he never did. I turned on the TV. When Harry Met Sally was Playing, we sat back to watch.
By the time Harry and Sally said their I love Yous, he was already asleep. I looked at the time; it was 15 minutes to 10. I tapped him gently, only his head moved. I put his arm on my shoulder, grabbed him by the waist hoisted him up. He opened his eyes, smiled and mumbled something about chocolate syrup before shutting his eyes again. I laughed and slowly helped him to the bathroom and managed to dump him in the tub. I looked at my watch again, it was 10 on the dot. He sprawled in the bathtub like a baby in the crib. I move closer to make sure he wasn’t pretending. Satisfied, I walked out the bathroom and quietly shut the door. I grabbed my jacket and keys and left the apartment.
It took me three weeks of meticulous planning. Three weeks of watching and waiting. Three weeks and I found him. He was just perfect. The right height, the right weight, the right build. . . just perfect. He had been a little suspicious when I first approached but he quickly dismissed “Just a girl” I could almost hear him say. We talked. . . well I did the talking at first but by our 3rd meeting, he opened up. I brought him canned apricots and a loaf of bread. He eat it all in one sitting and then apologized. He’d not had fresh bread in years, he said. . . I told him I understood. He told me about himself over milk and cookies. . . I baked them and I listened attentively. A veteran he said he was, served his country like a good citizen but lost himself in the process. Over a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice, he asked me why I was doing this. I’m a doctor, I replied matter of factly, it is my job to end suffering and pain. Thank you very much he said, my pleasure I answered.
He trusted me.
It was time.
I chose a weekend. . . I wanted to savor it.
Friday - Woke up as usual, went to work, did my rounds, wrote my notes like the good doctor I was. A package came for me, it was the ulcer meds I had ordered 2 days before. I made a phone call, it’s here I told him, come over tonight and get them. I gave the nurses instructions for the patient in bed 8. If her temperature rises above 100, page me. With my purse in hand, I walked out of the hospital.
At home, I did my yoga. No sooner had I finished that the bell rang. I opened the door and he walked in, no hi or how was your day, just another tirade about not being careful, opening the door without asking who it was. He could have been anyone he ranted. I wasn’t expecting anyone, I retorted casually, I was expecting him. He scrunched his face up and I laughed and grabbed the pills out of my purse, handed it to him. . . once a day, instructed firmly. Yes mum, he answered, rolling his eyes. He ripped it open and swallowed one. Any big plans for the weekend? He asked. I thought for a sec and replied nothing big. I didn’t have to ask, If he had any plans . . . apart from the occasional golf with a few acquaintances, he never did. I turned on the TV. When Harry Met Sally was Playing, we sat back to watch.
By the time Harry and Sally said their I love Yous, he was already asleep. I looked at the time; it was 15 minutes to 10. I tapped him gently, only his head moved. I put his arm on my shoulder, grabbed him by the waist hoisted him up. He opened his eyes, smiled and mumbled something about chocolate syrup before shutting his eyes again. I laughed and slowly helped him to the bathroom and managed to dump him in the tub. I looked at my watch again, it was 10 on the dot. He sprawled in the bathtub like a baby in the crib. I move closer to make sure he wasn’t pretending. Satisfied, I walked out the bathroom and quietly shut the door. I grabbed my jacket and keys and left the apartment.
The Circle of Life - (Re)Birth
The playground was empty. I walked down the street, taking in the night site, listening to the sound of the living. . . living. 20 mins later, I was back the playground, it was still empty. I headed back to my apartment, as soon as I got in. I heard loud moans, I shrugged my jacket off and headed for the bathroom, he was awake. I asked how he felt. Awful, replied. His mouth had a funny taste and he couldn’t move his limbs.
I smiled, put the toilet cover down and sat on it.
Tetrodotoxin, I said, it would do that to you.
He opened his mouth as if to say something but only saliva came out. I knew what he was going to ask, so I went ahead and told him.
How? Your pills. . . for the ulcer, I laced them with Tetrodotxin.
His eyes questioned
Why? I don’t know really, at first It was about feeling alive but that would have been selfish. . . you know and then you said something, remember that night you walked me home, saw the homeless people and you said they were scum and no one would miss them and I thought. He is right! We should get rid of the utterly useless
I got up, opened the cabinet and brought out a shaving stick and shoving powder and turned back to look at him.
That was not a nice thing to say but you know what or rather who is funny? You are. See, because of your money and your glitzy apartment and fancy shoes, you don’t really see useless your life is. I mean of what value are you to mankind? Can anyone say their lives have changed because of you?
I pressed some shaving cream into my hand and knelt by the tub. I rubbed it on his head and began to shave. He tried to move but he was paralyzed.
Oh sure you have a roof over your head and you are not slumming in a park but you and the likes of you are the biggest scum of the earth. The haves who makes life hard for the have-nots.
I scoop the cut hair and flushed it down the toilet.
Your online clients will get their money back, so no one will come asking any questions. Your golf buddies will get a note telling them you’ve moved. Your condo and the rest. . . well, it is a good thing we named each other next of kin.
I sat on my heels, hands on my lap.
What am I saying? If you disappeared today, no one will miss you.
His chest raised and his eyes widened.
That’s your diaphragm collapsing.
I wiped his now clean shaven head with a towel and began to undress him.
Convulsion is going to start soon and some other messy stuff.
I threw his shirt on the bathroom floor and went for the shoes and pants.
Soon, he was completely naked. On his eyes moved now. I looked at my watch it was just a almost 12 o’clock, I felt his pulse. . . it was slowing down.
I went for my tool box and brought out a scalpel.
Under normal circumstances, this would hurt but you won't feel a thing. . . I promise
I smiled gently and started strategically punching holes on parts of his body to drain him.
When it was done, I played around with the thought of going to be bed but I was too wired. I wanted to speed up the process but that would be cheating. So I waited, when he started foaming in the mouth, I waited. When his bowels loosened and he lost its content, I waited.
By 4am, he took his last breath and I began the process of cleaning him. I bathed him gently him like one would a baby, went to for the bags of ice I had gotten the day before. It took seven trips to get finally get him iced.
I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
Saturday – Bought the biggest luggage I could find.
The rest of the day passed relatively quickly.
Sunday – This was it! The hardest part of it my entire plan. With ABBA playing in the background, I was finally going to practice the skills I had learned in my one month residency of forensic pathology. It wasn’t the best setting but it would have to do.
I drove all night to different cities until it was all gone.
Monday – Woke up, performed my morning ablutions, had breakfast on the go. . . cereal bar. I walked to the park and he was there. He smiled when he saw me, I smiled back. Instead of a loaf of bread, canned apricots, cookies and milk and freshly squeezed orange juice. . . I handed him a small box.
“Everything you need to start a new life”
Without waiting for a response, turned and left. Some would call it identity theft, I called it setting things right.
I walked into the hospital with the feeling of control over life. . . and death itself.
I smiled, put the toilet cover down and sat on it.
Tetrodotoxin, I said, it would do that to you.
He opened his mouth as if to say something but only saliva came out. I knew what he was going to ask, so I went ahead and told him.
How? Your pills. . . for the ulcer, I laced them with Tetrodotxin.
His eyes questioned
Why? I don’t know really, at first It was about feeling alive but that would have been selfish. . . you know and then you said something, remember that night you walked me home, saw the homeless people and you said they were scum and no one would miss them and I thought. He is right! We should get rid of the utterly useless
I got up, opened the cabinet and brought out a shaving stick and shoving powder and turned back to look at him.
That was not a nice thing to say but you know what or rather who is funny? You are. See, because of your money and your glitzy apartment and fancy shoes, you don’t really see useless your life is. I mean of what value are you to mankind? Can anyone say their lives have changed because of you?
I pressed some shaving cream into my hand and knelt by the tub. I rubbed it on his head and began to shave. He tried to move but he was paralyzed.
Oh sure you have a roof over your head and you are not slumming in a park but you and the likes of you are the biggest scum of the earth. The haves who makes life hard for the have-nots.
I scoop the cut hair and flushed it down the toilet.
Your online clients will get their money back, so no one will come asking any questions. Your golf buddies will get a note telling them you’ve moved. Your condo and the rest. . . well, it is a good thing we named each other next of kin.
I sat on my heels, hands on my lap.
What am I saying? If you disappeared today, no one will miss you.
His chest raised and his eyes widened.
That’s your diaphragm collapsing.
I wiped his now clean shaven head with a towel and began to undress him.
Convulsion is going to start soon and some other messy stuff.
I threw his shirt on the bathroom floor and went for the shoes and pants.
Soon, he was completely naked. On his eyes moved now. I looked at my watch it was just a almost 12 o’clock, I felt his pulse. . . it was slowing down.
I went for my tool box and brought out a scalpel.
Under normal circumstances, this would hurt but you won't feel a thing. . . I promise
I smiled gently and started strategically punching holes on parts of his body to drain him.
When it was done, I played around with the thought of going to be bed but I was too wired. I wanted to speed up the process but that would be cheating. So I waited, when he started foaming in the mouth, I waited. When his bowels loosened and he lost its content, I waited.
By 4am, he took his last breath and I began the process of cleaning him. I bathed him gently him like one would a baby, went to for the bags of ice I had gotten the day before. It took seven trips to get finally get him iced.
I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
Saturday – Bought the biggest luggage I could find.
The rest of the day passed relatively quickly.
Sunday – This was it! The hardest part of it my entire plan. With ABBA playing in the background, I was finally going to practice the skills I had learned in my one month residency of forensic pathology. It wasn’t the best setting but it would have to do.
I drove all night to different cities until it was all gone.
Monday – Woke up, performed my morning ablutions, had breakfast on the go. . . cereal bar. I walked to the park and he was there. He smiled when he saw me, I smiled back. Instead of a loaf of bread, canned apricots, cookies and milk and freshly squeezed orange juice. . . I handed him a small box.
“Everything you need to start a new life”
Without waiting for a response, turned and left. Some would call it identity theft, I called it setting things right.
I walked into the hospital with the feeling of control over life. . . and death itself.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Storyteller Telleth
Every life is a story.
Saturday May 10th 2006
6am
The loud, jarring ring didn't wake her up; it was hard to be awoken if one was not asleep in the first place. She didn't get out of bed, instead she waited. It took all she had but she waited, it seemed like forever but she waited.
Four years of hard work and she was finally graduating.
The moment her life will change.
7:15am
She bounded down the stairs, her purse, shoes and graduation gown in her hands. She had less than 45 minutes to get to school. All graduates were expected at 8.
In the living room, she stopped; trying to make out which of the three guys sprawled on the living room floor was her brother. She smiled when she heard his snore, crossing over the other two. . . a cousin and a friend, she shook him awake. It was time; she told him when he groaned that it was too early.
After protesting for another 30 secs, he slowly got up. . . upset to be awoken so early or at least pretending to. She saw through him and laughed. He grinned, he could never be mad at her, especially today. She looked stunning, he thought, in the beautiful outfit she had bought two days ago. God, she glowed and his heart swelled. . .He was proud of her. Even though he was three years younger than her 25, he always felt protective of her.
She pulled him by the arm and led him to the garage. She got into the passenger’s side, he the driver’s side. They played the first to buckle up game their mother had taught them when they were kids. . . she won and he groused that her win was unfair, he wasn’t fully awake, thus not on his A game, she scoffed and wished him better luck next time. 10 minutes later they were driving on the highway, hip hop blasting, and both singing along.
8:05am
She ran into the hall to find her friends and classmates. There were shouts and whoops, crying and laughing, hugs and pats, there was joy, happiness. . . all adding up to a very bittersweet moment.
They listened as professors, Deans and chancellors give their little pep talks, advice and warnings. They tried not to laugh when the president, known to stutter when emotions got the better of him, attempted to sing the School song, they awwwed when his wife joined him.
9:45am
15 minutes until the ceremony began, excitement was in the air. They all lined up according to their various departments. Some stretched their necks to see if their family was already seated in the hall, she didn’t have to. She had seen her brother looking spiffy in his suit . . . she’d tease him about that later, leading their mother, grandmother and various family members to their assigned seats. A humbling feeling washed over her, all these people . . . some like Grandmother and Uncle came all way from Nigeria for her. She had waved even though she knew he probably won’t tell her apart from all the other graduates.
11:00am
After half listening to the four long boring speeches, the moment came. The moment they called each graduate by name and family members watched with pride as they walked up the stage shook the hands of the dean, the president and the diploma presenters.
“Bukunola Foster” It was her turn.
She tried not to laugh out loud when she heard her brother shouting at the top of his voice. After receiving her diploma, she turned to face the audience; she saw her mom, her aunt and grandma wiping tears, her uncle waving behind the camera he held, her brother, her boyfriend, her cousin and a family friend doing the human wave. This time, she didn’t hold back, she laughed out loud, waved at them with her diploma as she walked up off the stage.
12pm
She stood between her mother and grandmother, holding bouquets of flowers and balloons with “Congratulations Graduate” printed on them as her uncle took pictures. She took pictures with her boyfriend, she took pictures with her friends, she took pictures with her brother, the camera caught them in a moment where he grabbed her graduation hat donned it and she looked up at him, her mouth open.
2:30pm
The restaurant was a beehive of activity. Family and friends joined in celebration, excitement was in the air. She moved from one table to the other receiving congratulations, prayers and well wishes.
Every story has a beginning. Some stories start with “once upon a time” others start from the end and work backwards, some start off with a wise saying, some stories are told in rhythms and some in rhymes, some in units of time and some. . . where time does not exist. No matter how they start, all stories need a storyteller.
Saturday May 10th 2006
6am
The loud, jarring ring didn't wake her up; it was hard to be awoken if one was not asleep in the first place. She didn't get out of bed, instead she waited. It took all she had but she waited, it seemed like forever but she waited.
She wasn't disappointed; her mom came to wake her up. It was what she wanted, for her mother to help her start this glorious day, for her mother to be the first person she saw, just like when she was born.
They hugged and cried and laughed and jumped. . . Well the daughter jumped with glee while the mother watched smiling. At her mother’s urging, she headed for the bathroom to get ready.
They hugged and cried and laughed and jumped. . . Well the daughter jumped with glee while the mother watched smiling. At her mother’s urging, she headed for the bathroom to get ready.
Four years of hard work and she was finally graduating.
The moment her life will change.
7:15am
She bounded down the stairs, her purse, shoes and graduation gown in her hands. She had less than 45 minutes to get to school. All graduates were expected at 8.
In the living room, she stopped; trying to make out which of the three guys sprawled on the living room floor was her brother. She smiled when she heard his snore, crossing over the other two. . . a cousin and a friend, she shook him awake. It was time; she told him when he groaned that it was too early.
After protesting for another 30 secs, he slowly got up. . . upset to be awoken so early or at least pretending to. She saw through him and laughed. He grinned, he could never be mad at her, especially today. She looked stunning, he thought, in the beautiful outfit she had bought two days ago. God, she glowed and his heart swelled. . .He was proud of her. Even though he was three years younger than her 25, he always felt protective of her.
She pulled him by the arm and led him to the garage. She got into the passenger’s side, he the driver’s side. They played the first to buckle up game their mother had taught them when they were kids. . . she won and he groused that her win was unfair, he wasn’t fully awake, thus not on his A game, she scoffed and wished him better luck next time. 10 minutes later they were driving on the highway, hip hop blasting, and both singing along.
8:05am
She ran into the hall to find her friends and classmates. There were shouts and whoops, crying and laughing, hugs and pats, there was joy, happiness. . . all adding up to a very bittersweet moment.
They listened as professors, Deans and chancellors give their little pep talks, advice and warnings. They tried not to laugh when the president, known to stutter when emotions got the better of him, attempted to sing the School song, they awwwed when his wife joined him.
9:45am
15 minutes until the ceremony began, excitement was in the air. They all lined up according to their various departments. Some stretched their necks to see if their family was already seated in the hall, she didn’t have to. She had seen her brother looking spiffy in his suit . . . she’d tease him about that later, leading their mother, grandmother and various family members to their assigned seats. A humbling feeling washed over her, all these people . . . some like Grandmother and Uncle came all way from Nigeria for her. She had waved even though she knew he probably won’t tell her apart from all the other graduates.
11:00am
After half listening to the four long boring speeches, the moment came. The moment they called each graduate by name and family members watched with pride as they walked up the stage shook the hands of the dean, the president and the diploma presenters.
“Bukunola Foster” It was her turn.
She tried not to laugh out loud when she heard her brother shouting at the top of his voice. After receiving her diploma, she turned to face the audience; she saw her mom, her aunt and grandma wiping tears, her uncle waving behind the camera he held, her brother, her boyfriend, her cousin and a family friend doing the human wave. This time, she didn’t hold back, she laughed out loud, waved at them with her diploma as she walked up off the stage.
12pm
She stood between her mother and grandmother, holding bouquets of flowers and balloons with “Congratulations Graduate” printed on them as her uncle took pictures. She took pictures with her boyfriend, she took pictures with her friends, she took pictures with her brother, the camera caught them in a moment where he grabbed her graduation hat donned it and she looked up at him, her mouth open.
2:30pm
The restaurant was a beehive of activity. Family and friends joined in celebration, excitement was in the air. She moved from one table to the other receiving congratulations, prayers and well wishes.
She ate off other people’s plate and drank from her boyfriend’s cup. She played food tennis with her brother and apologized when her mother admonished.
She sought privacy in the bathroom, when she spoke to her father on the phone, he was sorry he couldn't be there . . . she understood, divorce and location distanced them. She smiled when she stepped out of the bathroom to find her boyfriend waiting for her. He opened his arms and she went into them, over his shoulder she saw her brother, she wiggled her fingers to let him know she was fine. He nodded and left them alone.
7pm
She walked down the stairs, this time in Jeans and a blouse. They had celebrated with the grownups, now it was time to have young people’s fun. She went to the living room to find her mother, grandmother and aunts chatting while music . . .Ayefele, her favorite, played in the background. She joined them, sitting on the arms of her mother’s chair.
She laughed indulgently when her grandmother told her it was time for marriage and baby and high-fived her aunt when she scoffed and said no, it was time to travel and see the world. She kissed her mother on the cheek when she heard her boyfriend call that it was time to go.
10pm
Seven of them walked into the club, they had just come from eating dinner at the most expensive restaurant downtown. The price of dinner added up to 3month salary of a minimum wager but they didn't care because it was worth it.
Now it was time to burn it all off on the dance floor. She did the cha cha slide, she did the electric slide, she did the Macarena, she did the jig, she did the chicken dance; she did the grasshopper hop.
She sought privacy in the bathroom, when she spoke to her father on the phone, he was sorry he couldn't be there . . . she understood, divorce and location distanced them. She smiled when she stepped out of the bathroom to find her boyfriend waiting for her. He opened his arms and she went into them, over his shoulder she saw her brother, she wiggled her fingers to let him know she was fine. He nodded and left them alone.
7pm
She walked down the stairs, this time in Jeans and a blouse. They had celebrated with the grownups, now it was time to have young people’s fun. She went to the living room to find her mother, grandmother and aunts chatting while music . . .Ayefele, her favorite, played in the background. She joined them, sitting on the arms of her mother’s chair.
She laughed indulgently when her grandmother told her it was time for marriage and baby and high-fived her aunt when she scoffed and said no, it was time to travel and see the world. She kissed her mother on the cheek when she heard her boyfriend call that it was time to go.
10pm
Seven of them walked into the club, they had just come from eating dinner at the most expensive restaurant downtown. The price of dinner added up to 3month salary of a minimum wager but they didn't care because it was worth it.
Now it was time to burn it all off on the dance floor. She did the cha cha slide, she did the electric slide, she did the Macarena, she did the jig, she did the chicken dance; she did the grasshopper hop.
She slowed dance with her boyfriend and hid her face in his neck when he told her how much he loved her and how proud he was of her.
She kicked it gangster style with her brother and punched playfully when he told her she danced just like she threw . . . like a girl.
Sunday May 11th, 2006
3:45am
She was in accident that took her life and might send her brother to prison for a period no less than 15years. Involuntary man slaughter was the charge, his crime - Drunk driving.
The forensic experts said she lived for 3 minutes after being thrown out of the car, when it skidded, flipped over 3 times before hitting a tree. 3 people in the car, one died, 2 escaped unscathed, they had been wearing their seat belts.
Her boyfriend saw it all happen from the car he was driving with the other clubbers.
Sunday May 11th, 2006
3:45am
She was in accident that took her life and might send her brother to prison for a period no less than 15years. Involuntary man slaughter was the charge, his crime - Drunk driving.
The forensic experts said she lived for 3 minutes after being thrown out of the car, when it skidded, flipped over 3 times before hitting a tree. 3 people in the car, one died, 2 escaped unscathed, they had been wearing their seat belts.
Her boyfriend saw it all happen from the car he was driving with the other clubbers.
She was tired, she had told him in the parking lot of the club. . . she’d ride home with her brother instead of going with him to dropped their other friends at home. “See you in a few” she had called out after kissing him, just before getting into the back seat of her brother’s car.
5:05am
5:05am
The loud jarring ring didn't wake her up; It couldn't have . . .she never went to sleep. She got off the bed and headed to the source.
They stood out there, 2 cops and her daughter’s boyfriend.
“We’re sorry Ma’am” they began.
“She’s gone” the boy she already thought of as a son said before breaking down on the front steps of the house she had brought up her two children.
Children she lost in one Night.
“We’re sorry Ma’am” they began.
“She’s gone” the boy she already thought of as a son said before breaking down on the front steps of the house she had brought up her two children.
Children she lost in one Night.
The moment her life changed.
Every life is a story
Every story has an end. No matter how it starts, we always hope for a happy ending. As much as I’d like to give you one, I can’t because in this story isn't mine to change,
I am just the storyteller.
Every life is a story
Every story has an end. No matter how it starts, we always hope for a happy ending. As much as I’d like to give you one, I can’t because in this story isn't mine to change,
I am just the storyteller.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Love Defined
“Tell me you love me”
“I love you”
“Say it like you mean it”
“I love you”
“Do you mean it?”
“I do”
The tears! Ye gods, the tears. . . hate the tears; can’t stand ‘em. I can’t understand the need for it. It’s just words, words they aren’t meant to have the same effect like say getting hit with over the head with a baseball bat. . . well, maybe not a baseball bat over the head but something painful.
I wait for the tears to stop. . . just ride it out I tell myself. It’s gonna stop eventually, I mean, it has to, right? I’ve never heard of anyone crying none stop and I know that’s the kinda thing that will make headline, just like that girl from last year who couldn’t stop hiccupping, now that was just all sorts of weird!
Okay, the tears are stopping! I understand loving and being loved in return is special, I know there are people out there desperately searching for what I have. . . .believe me I do. I just don’t think if this people know exactly what love does to you, they’d be seeking it out. Love makes you vulnerable.
“What do want to do tonight?”
“I don’t know. . . anything you want”
Do you see what I’m saying? Suddenly this adult person, who under normal circumstances should be making decisions, becomes the most indecisive person. Love makes you confused.
“You know what. . . Let’s do something you want to do for a change”
“I don’t know. . .you pick”
“Jesus fuc. . . "
“What? Are you. . . are you mad at me?”
“I’m not. I’m not!” deep breath “I just want you. . . us to do something you’ll enjoy”
“But I enjoy doing anything you. . .
“No!” pause “Listen to me baby, I. . . never mind. I guess we’ll just stay in”
Now the feeling of guilt kicks in. . . you’ve done something to upset the other person. You don’t mean to but guess what. . .it happens. That’s another thing about love, no matter what you do, people still get hurt. There is this carefulness, walking on egg shells around the other person that I find really annoying.
“God! I love you so much! I can’t imagine my life without you. I always ask myself how I managed all those years not having you”
“We didn’t know each other all those yes”
“I know that! I’m just saying you are my world. How suddenly everything makes sense”
“Baby. . . I can’t be your. . . “
“But you are! Sometimes, I lie awake watching you sleep, your chest going up and down and your heart pumping away, the source of your life and I wish I was in you. . . your heart.”
Okay I don’t need to tell you how fucked up that sounds right? You have to be really fucked in the head not to see how sick that is. . . but wrapped up in love, it comes out sweet.
“Baby, don’t say things like that”
“But it’s true. You know what else I wish for?”
“Wha. . .” Swallows “What?”
“Sometimes I wish everyone around us will just disappear. My friends, your friends, our parent, everyone”
“Wh. . . why would you want them to disappear?”
“So we can be alone together, no one to interrupt us. I hate it when you have to leave. I can’t bear for you to be out of my sight. You know when you’re not with me, I almost feel like. . .like I can’t breath.”
“You can’t brea. . . “
“That’s why I follow you”
“What?!!”
“Yeah, I drive behind you. Like, yesterday when you. . .
“You followed. . . you follow me?
“Yeah. . .”
“Are you fucking cra. . . Why would you do that?”
“I love you”
Love it makes okay to say sick bullshit.
“ I. . . I don’t think I can do this anymore”
“Do what?
“This. . .this whole thing. Do you hear yourself?”
“I. . . I don’t understand”
No surprise there! In addition to becoming a mindless zombie, acting like a brainless brat, Love also turns the simplest things into advanced Physics.
“Tell me what you mean”
Advance, Advanced Physics
“This makes no sense to me”
Super, Duper Advanced Physics.
“I’m saying it’s over”
“No!”
Oh God, here comes the tears. . . at least this time the reason for it is valid
“I’m sorry”
“You just said you loved me! You said it right here. . . “
“I do! I mean yeah. . . .but I. . .”
“Tell me what to do. I can change. I will change. I will be anything you want me to be, just don’t leave me please!”
Alright, let’s pause for a moment and think this through. From the moment you are born, your goal is to be your own person. That’s why when you were 2, you screamed “No, I’ll do it myself” at your mother when she tried to correct the shoes you wore wrongly. It’s why at 10, you made sure your dad added an extra headlight on the roof of the cardboard car he built for you. Sure, it made no sense but you stood your ground “This is what I want daddy” you asserted when he tried to change your mind. Remember the college decision? The ‘rents wanted you to go their Alma Mata but you wanted something else and you fought for it. Every single decision, every single step was leading to the moment when you can finally stand tall and proudly declare “I am my own person”. . . .then you fall in love and everything else goes poof!
“I do anything for you. Is there someone else?”
“No! This has nothing to. . .let go of me!”
“Please, baby please. . . I’ll die without you”
“Stop it! Just stop it!
“I’ll be anything for you, just tell me what, Please! I love you! We’re meant to be together”
“Jesus! Let go of me! You are fucking INSANE!”
And there it is! Love defined. Insanity! That is exactly what Love is.
“Oh my God! What have I done? What. . . What am I doing?!”
I have to get out of this dark abyss or I’ll end up doing something. . . something I’m gonna regret for the rest of my life.
I release him immediately and take a step back. He grabs his shoes, shirts, pants. . . removing all the traces of himself from my life, obviously eager to get as far away a possible from the raving, possessive and jealous lunatic I have become. . . in the name of love.
“Stay the fuck away from me or I’ll have you arrested” He walked out and slammed the door.
Naked, I sit on the edge of the bed, my heart racing. . . he will never know what a huge favor he just did me.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Fear in Me
She’s smiling at me from the walls.
I don’t want to suck my thumb because I’m a big girl now. . . I turned 4 in June and mama got me a big cake, she didn’t make it herself because she says she’s a lawyer not a baker. When I grow up I’m want to be a baker so I can bake many cakes and eat them all, I won’t share with Lola. She always yells at me when I wake her up “Go back to sleep Mide or I will make you sleep forever” I don’t know what that means, how can she make anyone sleep forever? I think it’s stupid and I know mama thinks so too because she yells at Lola and tells her not to say things like that.
I wish she’ll go away. I shut my eyes but I can still see her in my head. I opened them again, I tried not to look but my eyes go there.
She’s on the wall above the closet. Why won’t she leave me alone?
Oh! I remove my thumb from my mouth I didn’t know how it went in there, I swear I didn’t. I wipe it on my blanket, I don’t want mama to know; she says sucking your thumb is nasty because of the germs and stuff. I try not to do it but sometimes I get so scared and it goes in my mouth by itself. I turn over to the other side, I can see Lola lying on her bed; her blankets are on the floor.
Now she’s on the wall above Lola’s bed and she’s still smiling.
I don’t know what she wants with me. Is she going to hurt me? Sadie was nice but then she got sick and it made her go away forever. I heard mama say they put her in a coffin. . . a coffin is like a shoe box only bigger, Lola told me that. Then they put the coffin in the ground and covered it with sand but I don’t think they did it right because she is on the wall in my room. My legs begin to shake; I don’t want her to be here. My thumb hurts because my teeth is scratching on it real hard.
She is laughing now but I can’t hear any sound, I see her mouth open wide.
My stomach hurts so bad and I. . . I think my chest is going to break. “Lola?” I call her but she doesn’t wake up. I try to call her again but nothing comes out of my mouth.
Sadie is waving now and I think she is coming closer.
I shut my eyes, my face is wet from my tears, my hand is wet from my drool and my body is wet from. . .
“Mummy, Mummy! Mummy!”
Lights come on. I hear Mummy’s voice. I feel her.
I’m floating.
I smell Daddy. I feel safe.
“Just your imagination sweetie, Just your overactive imagination” Mommy’s voice in my ears.
I don’t want to suck my thumb because I’m a big girl now. . . I turned 4 in June and mama got me a big cake, she didn’t make it herself because she says she’s a lawyer not a baker. When I grow up I’m want to be a baker so I can bake many cakes and eat them all, I won’t share with Lola. She always yells at me when I wake her up “Go back to sleep Mide or I will make you sleep forever” I don’t know what that means, how can she make anyone sleep forever? I think it’s stupid and I know mama thinks so too because she yells at Lola and tells her not to say things like that.
I wish she’ll go away. I shut my eyes but I can still see her in my head. I opened them again, I tried not to look but my eyes go there.
She’s on the wall above the closet. Why won’t she leave me alone?
Oh! I remove my thumb from my mouth I didn’t know how it went in there, I swear I didn’t. I wipe it on my blanket, I don’t want mama to know; she says sucking your thumb is nasty because of the germs and stuff. I try not to do it but sometimes I get so scared and it goes in my mouth by itself. I turn over to the other side, I can see Lola lying on her bed; her blankets are on the floor.
Now she’s on the wall above Lola’s bed and she’s still smiling.
I don’t know what she wants with me. Is she going to hurt me? Sadie was nice but then she got sick and it made her go away forever. I heard mama say they put her in a coffin. . . a coffin is like a shoe box only bigger, Lola told me that. Then they put the coffin in the ground and covered it with sand but I don’t think they did it right because she is on the wall in my room. My legs begin to shake; I don’t want her to be here. My thumb hurts because my teeth is scratching on it real hard.
She is laughing now but I can’t hear any sound, I see her mouth open wide.
My stomach hurts so bad and I. . . I think my chest is going to break. “Lola?” I call her but she doesn’t wake up. I try to call her again but nothing comes out of my mouth.
Sadie is waving now and I think she is coming closer.
I shut my eyes, my face is wet from my tears, my hand is wet from my drool and my body is wet from. . .
“Mummy, Mummy! Mummy!”
Lights come on. I hear Mummy’s voice. I feel her.
I’m floating.
I smell Daddy. I feel safe.
“Just your imagination sweetie, Just your overactive imagination” Mommy’s voice in my ears.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
CHEATING HEART.
One, Two, Three, Four
Or was it In and out?
I couldn’t remember which exercise I was supposed do for shortness of breath.
“Hold on to reality” I could hear Dr. Nata’s voice say “look for something real and focus on it. Anxiety is an illusion, it makes you believe. . .”
Okay, looking for something real and focus on it. Something real, something real... my eyes darted around the room, something real. Unfortunately the only thing real was the very thing causing my anxiety attack - My boyfriend and my best friend on my bed. . . sounded like one of those tongue twisters.
My boyfriend and my best friend on my bed
My best friend and my boyfriend on my bed,
On my bed were my best friend and my boyfriend.
An all B Tongue twisters...Best friend, Boy friend, Bed, Banging. Oh freak I didn’t think of that, my boyfriend is banging my best friend on my bed. Take that Dr. Puss in boots Seuss. Puss in boots...Pussy in booty. Ooops! I quickly covered my mouth. I started to laugh... not The it’s so funny, I can’t stop laughing laugh, it was the I think I’m going insane because I’m laughing like a mad person laugh
I laughed harder when I saw the expressions on their faces go from guilt and shock to confusion. I managed to control myself when she started to slowly roll off the bed, eyes darting around looking for her clothes I suppose. I saw her underwear by my feet and bent to pick it up. I was about to throw it at her when I noticed something
“Hey" I said waving the underwear "I bought this for your birthday” Another B word I thought
“My best friend is banging my boyfriend on my bed with the undies I bought for her on her birthday” I started to snicker and then giggle.
“Sisi...” his voice which for some reason sounded so far away brought me out of my trance. I dropped the underwear on the bed.
Oh my God!
“I have to... I have to get out of here” I said but he quickly jumped out of the bed and blocked my exit.
“Sisi listen”
“Get out of my way!” I screamed “and go put on some fucking clothes”
“Sisi...” it was her “I...we... “
I turned to her
“Don’t you dare!” I lashed out “Don’t you fucking dare or I’m going to rip your tongue out”
She quickly took a step back. He was still standing blocking my exit.
“Get out of my way, Bode”
He opened his mouth to say something and that’s when I grabbed it . . . his penis. Whatever he was going to say quickly became a groan; his eyes filled with pain were bulging out of his head. His painful groans gave me a thrill, so I squeezed and pulled harder, he seemed almost paralyzed to do anything, so I squeezed even harder. He managed to let out a squeal
“Sisi, pleeease”
I looked straight into his eyes and said
“If thy penis causes you to sin, pluck it out” and yanked it some more. His eyes were turning red and tears streaming down his face. He looked ridiculous, almost hunched over, his face covered in sweat and tears. If cheating on me with my best friend didn’t erase all the love I had for me, seeing him like that...did it. I released him and he dropped to the floor. I turned to look at my friend, she was half way dressed.
“I guess that’s that then” I said and stepped over Bode, curbing the urge to kick him in the face and slammed the door over her frantic calling of my name.
"Dr. Seuss didn't write Puss in Boots" I thought, tears streaming down my face, as I drove away from my shattered life.
Or was it In and out?
I couldn’t remember which exercise I was supposed do for shortness of breath.
“Hold on to reality” I could hear Dr. Nata’s voice say “look for something real and focus on it. Anxiety is an illusion, it makes you believe. . .”
Okay, looking for something real and focus on it. Something real, something real... my eyes darted around the room, something real. Unfortunately the only thing real was the very thing causing my anxiety attack - My boyfriend and my best friend on my bed. . . sounded like one of those tongue twisters.
My boyfriend and my best friend on my bed
My best friend and my boyfriend on my bed,
On my bed were my best friend and my boyfriend.
An all B Tongue twisters...Best friend, Boy friend, Bed, Banging. Oh freak I didn’t think of that, my boyfriend is banging my best friend on my bed. Take that Dr. Puss in boots Seuss. Puss in boots...Pussy in booty. Ooops! I quickly covered my mouth. I started to laugh... not The it’s so funny, I can’t stop laughing laugh, it was the I think I’m going insane because I’m laughing like a mad person laugh
I laughed harder when I saw the expressions on their faces go from guilt and shock to confusion. I managed to control myself when she started to slowly roll off the bed, eyes darting around looking for her clothes I suppose. I saw her underwear by my feet and bent to pick it up. I was about to throw it at her when I noticed something
“Hey" I said waving the underwear "I bought this for your birthday” Another B word I thought
“My best friend is banging my boyfriend on my bed with the undies I bought for her on her birthday” I started to snicker and then giggle.
“Sisi...” his voice which for some reason sounded so far away brought me out of my trance. I dropped the underwear on the bed.
Oh my God!
“I have to... I have to get out of here” I said but he quickly jumped out of the bed and blocked my exit.
“Sisi listen”
“Get out of my way!” I screamed “and go put on some fucking clothes”
“Sisi...” it was her “I...we... “
I turned to her
“Don’t you dare!” I lashed out “Don’t you fucking dare or I’m going to rip your tongue out”
She quickly took a step back. He was still standing blocking my exit.
“Get out of my way, Bode”
He opened his mouth to say something and that’s when I grabbed it . . . his penis. Whatever he was going to say quickly became a groan; his eyes filled with pain were bulging out of his head. His painful groans gave me a thrill, so I squeezed and pulled harder, he seemed almost paralyzed to do anything, so I squeezed even harder. He managed to let out a squeal
“Sisi, pleeease”
I looked straight into his eyes and said
“If thy penis causes you to sin, pluck it out” and yanked it some more. His eyes were turning red and tears streaming down his face. He looked ridiculous, almost hunched over, his face covered in sweat and tears. If cheating on me with my best friend didn’t erase all the love I had for me, seeing him like that...did it. I released him and he dropped to the floor. I turned to look at my friend, she was half way dressed.
“I guess that’s that then” I said and stepped over Bode, curbing the urge to kick him in the face and slammed the door over her frantic calling of my name.
"Dr. Seuss didn't write Puss in Boots" I thought, tears streaming down my face, as I drove away from my shattered life.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Murder 101 Pt 1
She crept into the room; she could see him lying in bed, his back to her. She took the gun out from where she had hid it under her blouse, it felt heavy in her hands. Two more steps and she stood at the foot of the bed. Should she wake him or should she give him the gift of dying without knowing what hit him?
I walked to the window; the setting sun told me how long I'd been at it. . . .murder I mean. The sun was barely up when I had started the most important chapter of my book "Death Gallows" and 10 hrs later there still wasn't any death. Ughh! Why was I having a difficult time with this?
"Stick a fork in it luv, you're done." I heard my professor’s voice in my head. I don't know which was more annoying - that after 5 yrs, I still hear his berating voice and the cocky British accent it came in or that he . . . I . . . the voice in my head was right. I should just pack it up.
"Yeah you should" it was like he was in the room with me now. "You've committed the gravest offense a writer can"
"And what's that?" I asked stubbornly.
"No! No! This is not how it's done. I'm the teacher here. I ask the questions. Now what was it you did wrong?"
"I. . . I like him" I whispered like I was back in his class again
"Speak up" he ordered.
"I like him" I answered loudly.
"That's right; you've gone and fallen in love with your victim. How can you kill him now? Love that to you. Oh you’ve lost it now" he dismissed.
"I can get it back. I can. Let me try" I can't believe I'm pleading with a voice in my head but I couldn't help it.
"Remember what I said to you when you first walked into my class?"
Remember? I never forget. The way he had looked at me and told me I didn't belong there. "There's jingle writing class next door" and when I had told him I was in the right class, he laughed.
"You? In a Murder-Mystery class? You look like you should be baking cookies or singing nursery rhymes to children”
“I. . . I don’t bake and I don’t like children either” I had stammered.
“This should be interesting. Well then, have you a sit and let’s see what you are capable of.”
And that how it began. . . Me doing everything I could to impress him and him getting less impressed with each attempt. It is why after graduating top of his class, I still felt like a failure, it is why immediately after I signing my 3 book deal with Pendant publishing, I went to the bathroom and puked my brains out and it is why after 5 yrs I can still hear his mocking voice in my head.
"Do us all a favor and make it a romance, I beg you. That way you and your lover can ride into the sunset with harps playing in the background?"
"I don't do romance" I muttered
"Well you might as well do it now, because there's no way you're gonna get murder out of that"
"I can! I can and I will" I screamed
"Prove it! Kill him. . . Kill him" he pushed "You can't, can you? Because you love him" he laughed, his voice dripping with disdain and at that very something snapped in me.
"You know what? I don't have to prove anything to you” I yelled “Not anymore, I am a good writer and I don't need you to tell me that"
"Yes, maybe a Romance writer after which you can move to children’s books. . .
“Shut Up”
“That way, you write about fluffy bunnies?
“Shut up”
“And the fairies riding on a rainbow. . . when do they come in?
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up" I screamed, shutting my eyes and shaking my head.
"Oyin? Baby?"
I opened my eyes to see Akin standing in front of me.
Murder 101 Pt 2
"Are you okay?" he asked me "You were screaming"
"I. . . I. . .” I swallowed “I was testing out a dialogue" I lied.
Akin smiled, I could see him mentally chucking the incident up as one of the many eccentricities of a writer.
"Ah, so was that your character being killed" he asked, drawing me into an embrace.
"Sorta. . . it was also me fighting my inner demons. An exorcism of sorts" my voice muffled into his chest.
"Demons, murders and exorcism. . . Tell me again why I'm with you?"
"I bring excitement into your life" I replied raising my head from his chest to look up at him. "Without me, you'd live a boring Accountant life, where numbers and balance sheet was all the fun you'll have"
"Ah! I remember now" he smiled and slowly leaned in for a kiss. I met him half way.
God! I love him with every fiber of my being. I'm grateful for him; he always managed to pull me from the edge. When we finally broke apart, he grabbed my hand leading me out the door.
"Come on, I'll cook you dinner”
"I haven't finished the. . . “I half protested.
"It can wait, right now you need food. How can commit a murder on an empty stomach?" He joked
"I don't think I want to anymore" the words tumbled out of my mouth.
"Do what? Eat?"
"No. . . murder. I don't think I want to do it" I repeated in a small voice. "It's sick, it's morbid. . . It's insane"
Akin turned to face me. Surprise written on his face
"Sweetie, you aren't really doing it. You are writing about it, it's all fiction"
“I know, I know” Actually I didn’t know anything anymore. This book was bringing something in me. . . something I don’t think I like.
“Oyin, you have been blessed with an imagination to spin tales. . . tales, people like me who see the world only in numbers, can lose ourselves in. Don’t begrudge us of that. . .” he said giving me a lost puppy dog look. I smiled and pushed him out the door
“Oh alright, feed me. Give me strength to maim; torture and kill” I replied in my best Igor voice
“At your service my gentle murderess”
An hour later, I curled up on the loveseat and I watched my husband pour himself a glass of wine. I had declined; I needed a clear head if I wanted to finish up the chapter. He joined me on the chair.
“I called the travel agent. How does
“Like heaven” I replied.
“I thought so. I’ve asked him to make it next Tuesday; will you be done by then?”
“Yes” I wasn’t sure but I couldn’t tell him that. We’d already changed our vacation plans 3 times because of my book.
“Good” He replied and took a sip of his wine. Well, that was that, I guess. Maybe having a deadline will motivate me into completing the chapter.
“Okay, I guess that’s my cue to get back to work” I said getting up and headed to my study.
“Here’s to a lovely killing” he toasted behind me and I laughed without looking back.
Once in the study, I paused. . . as if to make sure HE wasn’t there. Of course, he wouldn’t be he’s in your head stupid. I sat behind my desk and picked up the pen I had abandoned earlier. I read the last words I had written and then crossed it out. No, killing a man while he slept was too cowardly.
I began to write again. . .
She walked into the room; he was standing by the window, his back to her. She took out the gun
I stopped and then changed the gun to knife.
She took out the knife from where she hid it under her blouse. It felt right in her hand. Two more and she stood behind him. Should she call out to him or should she give him the gift of dying without knowing what hit him? Nah, she wanted to see the surprise in his face as the knife pierced through his flesh into his heart.
“Hey” she said softly.
He turned, his mouth widening into a smile which immediately turned into shock and surprise as the knife cut straight into his heart. She pulled it out and plunged again and again and again and again until he was lying on his back.
“Why? He asked as blood bubbled out of his mouth.
“I have to” she replied “I have to” she repeated over and over again.
“Well done!?” A voice cheered
I took a deep breath and stepped away from him. . . from Akin, who now lay on the floor with his shirt soaked in blood. I dropped the knife and wiped the sweat on my face with my bloody hands.
“Told you I could” I panted. “You see, you were wrong. I loved him and I killed him”
“That you did luv, that you did it. You killed your lover! Didn’t think you had it in you but you proved me wrong”
“I am good. Say it . . . says it!” I screamed “Say it! Say it”
Newscaster
Last Night, Writer Oyin Akin-Martins was picked up for the murder of her husband Akin Martins. At this moment, the motive for the crime remains unclear. According to sources close to the police department, Mrs. Martins was found sitting by his body, saying “I am good” over and over again. She’s been transported to County Mental Institution for a psyche evaluation before she appears before the judge for bail hearing.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Anything For Love
“Where were you last night?” Every morning for the past two months I ask the same questions and get the same response...silence. It didn’t matter really, I knew the answer , the reddish brown stain on his rumpled clothes gave him away. He had gone to her.
Tina.
Things changed when she came into our lives. We went from fun loving couple to strangers walking on egg shells. I tried to be understanding and patient but it was hard having to work things...our plans, around Tina. She was so needy, so fragile and Joshua was happy to be her knight in Shinning amour. I couldn’t help the hate I felt...not just for her but for him also. He was supposed to be mine, all mine, didn’t he know that?
I wanted to say something, something that will make him see me again, see the woman he had married.
My mouth opened and the words came out
“I... I made you breakfast”
Hate-filled eyes turn to me. My heart broke.
“Joshua, please, let’s go back to how it was.” I begged clutching his arm in both hands “Please, Forget about her”
“I can’t!” he yelled , pulling away from me.
“You can. I can help you”
“I can’t. . . ” he paused and cleared his throat “I can’t do this anymore. . .”
“No! Don‘t say it” I begged
“I can’t pretend there’s something, when there is nothing” he continued
“ Please stop”
“Every night I go to her, I know it’s not right. . . believe me, I do. I know I should be home with my wife yet I sit there.”
He walked to the bar and grabbed a bottle of scotch, twisted the cap and drank straight from it. He stopped, wiped his mouth and looked at me.
“Do you know why? I can’t stand to be near you. God, I hate you. I hate you for what you did to us. I hate you for making have to go there”
“I did it for us” I sobbed “We were dying. . .our love was dying”
“You killed our daughter” he yelled angrily “You killed Tina. Instead of sleeping upstairs, our daughter lie in grave and I’m forced to sit with her because she shouldn’t be alone. . . .she’s only a baby. She's...only...a...baby!”
The sound of his sobs filled the room.
Tina.
Things changed when she came into our lives. We went from fun loving couple to strangers walking on egg shells. I tried to be understanding and patient but it was hard having to work things...our plans, around Tina. She was so needy, so fragile and Joshua was happy to be her knight in Shinning amour. I couldn’t help the hate I felt...not just for her but for him also. He was supposed to be mine, all mine, didn’t he know that?
I wanted to say something, something that will make him see me again, see the woman he had married.
My mouth opened and the words came out
“I... I made you breakfast”
Hate-filled eyes turn to me. My heart broke.
“Joshua, please, let’s go back to how it was.” I begged clutching his arm in both hands “Please, Forget about her”
“I can’t!” he yelled , pulling away from me.
“You can. I can help you”
“I can’t. . . ” he paused and cleared his throat “I can’t do this anymore. . .”
“No! Don‘t say it” I begged
“I can’t pretend there’s something, when there is nothing” he continued
“ Please stop”
“Every night I go to her, I know it’s not right. . . believe me, I do. I know I should be home with my wife yet I sit there.”
He walked to the bar and grabbed a bottle of scotch, twisted the cap and drank straight from it. He stopped, wiped his mouth and looked at me.
“Do you know why? I can’t stand to be near you. God, I hate you. I hate you for what you did to us. I hate you for making have to go there”
“I did it for us” I sobbed “We were dying. . .our love was dying”
“You killed our daughter” he yelled angrily “You killed Tina. Instead of sleeping upstairs, our daughter lie in grave and I’m forced to sit with her because she shouldn’t be alone. . . .she’s only a baby. She's...only...a...baby!”
The sound of his sobs filled the room.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Serendipity - Chapter 1
One, Two, Three, Four
Or was it In and out?
She couldn’t remember which exercise she was supposed do for shortness of breath.
“Hold on to reality” She could hear Dr. Nata’s voice say “look for something solid and focus on it. Anxiety is an illusion, it makes you believe. . .”
“Oh shut the fuck up” She snapped silencing the voice she’d lived with for 9 yrs.
“Excuse me?”
Oyin put all she had in her to focus on the source of the inquiry. Her first instinct was to apologize for cursing. No, she wouldn’t, especially not to…her. She took a deep breath and then let it out again. There, that was it…she had it now. With a nerves slowly coming back to normal, Oyin confronted her best friend…her former best friend.
“So you and Kunle, hun? She said proud that her voice did not reflect the turmoil she felt inside.
“Look, we didn’t plan it…”
“Oh please spare me the clichés” Oyin scoffed.
She covered the distanced that separated them in two swift moves.
“So tell me, how did it happen? What. . .You fell down and mistakenly landed on my boyfriend’s di…”
“Oyin!”
The reproach only made her laugh.
“What…too crude for you?” she laughed again “You Ms. I say what I want when I want? You are going to lecture me? This is rich”
Oyin took a step back and folded her arms across her chest.
“Okay, let’s hear it” She said softly.
It was like time stood still as both women faced each other.
“Tell me Yemmy, Tell me!” Oyin screamed “Tell me how you can do this to me? Answer me? My best friend. . .”
Oyin who still couldn’t believe the animal like scream had c0me from her quickly took a step back when Yemmy screamed back
“Oh give me a break!”
Her retreat was the opening Yemmy needed to move in for the kill.
“Best friend?! Best friend?! Do you think I don’t know what you used me for? Do you think I didn’t know I was just a charity case? Oh yeah… being friends with the girl from the other side of tracks.” She switched over to a falsetto voice “Oh how wonderful for Oyin to be friends with her, bringing her to the country club, being seen with her. Darling, Darling girl.”
Not even Dr. Nata’s exercises could help Oyin hide the shock on her face.
“What?”
“I knew all along. I saw the looks they gave me and I saw how you preened in their presence. I saw it…I knew it all along. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth but I wasn’t born stupid” Yemmy spat.
Oyin cursed her fidgety hands. The last thing she wanted was for Yemmy to know how much her words hurt her. She wiped her hands on her jeans and mentally debated between folding them across her chest again…an obvious sign of retreating or clasping them behind her. She did neither; instead she slowly put her hands in her pocket and stood straight.
“I used you?” She asked tilting her head to the side, a tendril of hair falling just above her eyes. She curbed the impulse to blow it away.
“Let me see if I have this right, I used you and you know I was using you…yet you let me do it. Wouldn’t that make you…” she paused “stupid?”
“No! What it makes is smart” Yemmy lashes back “How else would I get into your crowd without one of you and who better than to make the introductions if not the Princess?” Her voice dripping with derision“Oh Oyin, you can be so dense” she chuckled “Once I figured out you were only using me to cement your status as the magnanimous princess, I decided to switch it on you” she stoped and as if remembering something delightful she started laughing.
Oyin watched in shock as the person she had called friend for four years became a stranger.
“It took some planning and control…” Yemmy continues now seeming to have fun “mostly control because I swear to you, there were times when I just wanted to…” she stops and waves her hand in a dismissive manner
“Let’s just so it was harder than I thought”
“Oh my God!” Oyin whispered.
“You know…for someone who is supposed to be bright, you are really foolish, that you didn’t know…God!” Yemmy clasped her hands together.
“Oh my God!” Oyin whispered again and turns away but Yemmy follows.
“Of course you not knowing…only confirms what a narcissistic bitch you are” Yemmy batted her eyelashes “Oh everybody loves me, I am Oyinlola Martins. I have all the guys falling over me and the girls wanting to be me” she imitates in a sing songy voice. “That someone hates you is incomprehensible to you” she returned to her normal voice.
“Hates?” Oyin repeated.
“Yes hate”
“What did I ever do to you?”
She wanted…needed to know.
Or was it In and out?
She couldn’t remember which exercise she was supposed do for shortness of breath.
“Hold on to reality” She could hear Dr. Nata’s voice say “look for something solid and focus on it. Anxiety is an illusion, it makes you believe. . .”
“Oh shut the fuck up” She snapped silencing the voice she’d lived with for 9 yrs.
“Excuse me?”
Oyin put all she had in her to focus on the source of the inquiry. Her first instinct was to apologize for cursing. No, she wouldn’t, especially not to…her. She took a deep breath and then let it out again. There, that was it…she had it now. With a nerves slowly coming back to normal, Oyin confronted her best friend…her former best friend.
“So you and Kunle, hun? She said proud that her voice did not reflect the turmoil she felt inside.
“Look, we didn’t plan it…”
“Oh please spare me the clichés” Oyin scoffed.
She covered the distanced that separated them in two swift moves.
“So tell me, how did it happen? What. . .You fell down and mistakenly landed on my boyfriend’s di…”
“Oyin!”
The reproach only made her laugh.
“What…too crude for you?” she laughed again “You Ms. I say what I want when I want? You are going to lecture me? This is rich”
Oyin took a step back and folded her arms across her chest.
“Okay, let’s hear it” She said softly.
It was like time stood still as both women faced each other.
“Tell me Yemmy, Tell me!” Oyin screamed “Tell me how you can do this to me? Answer me? My best friend. . .”
Oyin who still couldn’t believe the animal like scream had c0me from her quickly took a step back when Yemmy screamed back
“Oh give me a break!”
Her retreat was the opening Yemmy needed to move in for the kill.
“Best friend?! Best friend?! Do you think I don’t know what you used me for? Do you think I didn’t know I was just a charity case? Oh yeah… being friends with the girl from the other side of tracks.” She switched over to a falsetto voice “Oh how wonderful for Oyin to be friends with her, bringing her to the country club, being seen with her. Darling, Darling girl.”
Not even Dr. Nata’s exercises could help Oyin hide the shock on her face.
“What?”
“I knew all along. I saw the looks they gave me and I saw how you preened in their presence. I saw it…I knew it all along. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth but I wasn’t born stupid” Yemmy spat.
Oyin cursed her fidgety hands. The last thing she wanted was for Yemmy to know how much her words hurt her. She wiped her hands on her jeans and mentally debated between folding them across her chest again…an obvious sign of retreating or clasping them behind her. She did neither; instead she slowly put her hands in her pocket and stood straight.
“I used you?” She asked tilting her head to the side, a tendril of hair falling just above her eyes. She curbed the impulse to blow it away.
“Let me see if I have this right, I used you and you know I was using you…yet you let me do it. Wouldn’t that make you…” she paused “stupid?”
“No! What it makes is smart” Yemmy lashes back “How else would I get into your crowd without one of you and who better than to make the introductions if not the Princess?” Her voice dripping with derision“Oh Oyin, you can be so dense” she chuckled “Once I figured out you were only using me to cement your status as the magnanimous princess, I decided to switch it on you” she stoped and as if remembering something delightful she started laughing.
Oyin watched in shock as the person she had called friend for four years became a stranger.
“It took some planning and control…” Yemmy continues now seeming to have fun “mostly control because I swear to you, there were times when I just wanted to…” she stops and waves her hand in a dismissive manner
“Let’s just so it was harder than I thought”
“Oh my God!” Oyin whispered.
“You know…for someone who is supposed to be bright, you are really foolish, that you didn’t know…God!” Yemmy clasped her hands together.
“Oh my God!” Oyin whispered again and turns away but Yemmy follows.
“Of course you not knowing…only confirms what a narcissistic bitch you are” Yemmy batted her eyelashes “Oh everybody loves me, I am Oyinlola Martins. I have all the guys falling over me and the girls wanting to be me” she imitates in a sing songy voice. “That someone hates you is incomprehensible to you” she returned to her normal voice.
“Hates?” Oyin repeated.
“Yes hate”
“What did I ever do to you?”
She wanted…needed to know.
Serendipity - Chapter 2
Yemmy was right about one thing, the thought of someone hating her had never crossed her mind. Having that person be someone she loved so dearly was too much to take.
Although she was relishing finally having the upper hand and would have loved it to last longer, Yemmy knew needed to end it now. It was time to go to the next phase of her life.
“You just accepted it” Seeing the confusion in Oyin’s eyes, she elaborated “Your life…you just accepted it. It’s normal to live in a 15 room mansion, it’s normal to never know what the limit is on your bank account.”
“You hate me because of…these things?” Oyin asked incredulously.
“Not just things Oyin, people too. It's normal to be brush shoulders with kings and queens, It’s normal to have Bode Akins at your beck and call. The Bode Akins.” She stressed
“Bode is my best friend” Oyin didn’t know why she was explaining…
“Yes of course. The wouldn’t give any other girl the time of the day but not you…never you and what do you do? You go after Kunle…Bode’s rival but did you give yourself fully to Kunle? No again, instead you show him at every single turn how so not Bode he is” she laughed “and you wonder why he came running to me”
“I loved him”
“No you didn’t” Yemmy countered…her voice softening a little “You used him…you used him as a shield because you are scared”
“Of what…?”
Yemmy didn't answer, instead she walked to the window and pulled the curtain aside. She wasn’t surprise to see the young man in blue jeans and white t-shirt sitting on the hood of a Mercedes Benz parked in her driveway.
As if sensing her, he looked up and Yemmy quickly drops the curtain. She looks over her shoulder to see Oyin watching her…waiting expectantly, her chest tighten…despite the circumstances their friendship was built on, some part of her liked…loved Oyin but if there was one thing she had learnt growing up in Gboko, it was sentiment always got in the way.
“What am I scared of?” Oyin asked again
Yemmy stills herself before turning to face her ex-best friend and dealt the final blow.
“Call your psychiatrist babe…that’s why Daddy has her payroll”
Oyin felt like she had just been punched in the stomach. Any hope she held that their friendship could be salvaged dissipated. She schooled her face and nodded once.
“I guess that’s it’ she began and prayed her voice wouldn’t betray her “I’m glad things worked out well for you”
She walked to the couch where she had dropped her purse and picked it up. With her head held up high and her heart breaking, she made her way to the front door.
“I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t say see you around Yemmy because I hope I never do”
Yemmy, who had been watching with admiration as her friend tried to remain her prim and proper self in the face of the nastiness that just took place, was taken aback. So she didn’t know she and Kunle were on their way to Switzerland. The coward didn’t tell her. Why was she surprised? Left to Kunle, a postcard from London was the way he would have chosen to break the news of their affair. Well since she was already giving bad news, what’s one more?
“Oh you don’t have to worry about that" She paused "Kunle and I leaving the country. We leave for Switzerland in 2 days”
Oyin was surprised at how well she took the news. She must be numbed, she excused. Without a second glance, she walked out Yemmy’s two bedroom apartment. Her heart breaking as she closed the door to the friendship she had cherished for 4 yrs.
It seemed like yesterday, the headmistress of the all girls they both attended had called thrust upon her the duty of showing the new scholarship recipient around. The girls, different in physical appearance and behavior had immediately struck a friendship. . . an unusual one, people said but Oyin had dismissed it. The fact that the New Liberal Arts and Science building was named after her mother, didn't take away the fact that she was just another girl trying to make an emotional connection and who cared if the person at the receiving end was a girl whose mother sold second hands clothes in Gboko Market?
Yemmy’s felt a flash of pain go through her as the door closed behind Oyin. She felt the urge to call her back and tell her it was all a joke, a practical joke. They’ll hug and be friend again. . .but it wasn’t a joke, it was real and even if she could somehow erase the last 2hrs, the baby she was carrying can’t be erased. She touched her tummy, she was only 6 wks pregnant and already she knew she’d do anything for her baby. . .even if it meant destroying the only normal relationship she’d ever had in her 20yrs.
You take what you can, when you can. The world does not care for people like you and me. if you don't care for you no one will. Remember that!
Her mother’s voice echoed in her head. The motto she had lived by all her life. She walked back to the window just in time to see Oyin being engulfed in a hug by the guy who had sat outside in the burning sun for 2 hrs.
Bode Akins.
Yemmy watched as he rubbed Oyin’s back slowly. He whispered something to her and she nodded. He stepped back and helped her into the passenger’s side of his car. After shutting the door, he walked around to the driver side and got in. He started the car and slowly backed out of Yemmy’s drive way. When the car was nothing but a dot in the distance, Yemmy dropped the curtains.
Bode and Oyin.
Oyin and Bode.
One day, she thought Oyin would thank her.
Although she was relishing finally having the upper hand and would have loved it to last longer, Yemmy knew needed to end it now. It was time to go to the next phase of her life.
“You just accepted it” Seeing the confusion in Oyin’s eyes, she elaborated “Your life…you just accepted it. It’s normal to live in a 15 room mansion, it’s normal to never know what the limit is on your bank account.”
“You hate me because of…these things?” Oyin asked incredulously.
“Not just things Oyin, people too. It's normal to be brush shoulders with kings and queens, It’s normal to have Bode Akins at your beck and call. The Bode Akins.” She stressed
“Bode is my best friend” Oyin didn’t know why she was explaining…
“Yes of course. The wouldn’t give any other girl the time of the day but not you…never you and what do you do? You go after Kunle…Bode’s rival but did you give yourself fully to Kunle? No again, instead you show him at every single turn how so not Bode he is” she laughed “and you wonder why he came running to me”
“I loved him”
“No you didn’t” Yemmy countered…her voice softening a little “You used him…you used him as a shield because you are scared”
“Of what…?”
Yemmy didn't answer, instead she walked to the window and pulled the curtain aside. She wasn’t surprise to see the young man in blue jeans and white t-shirt sitting on the hood of a Mercedes Benz parked in her driveway.
As if sensing her, he looked up and Yemmy quickly drops the curtain. She looks over her shoulder to see Oyin watching her…waiting expectantly, her chest tighten…despite the circumstances their friendship was built on, some part of her liked…loved Oyin but if there was one thing she had learnt growing up in Gboko, it was sentiment always got in the way.
“What am I scared of?” Oyin asked again
Yemmy stills herself before turning to face her ex-best friend and dealt the final blow.
“Call your psychiatrist babe…that’s why Daddy has her payroll”
Oyin felt like she had just been punched in the stomach. Any hope she held that their friendship could be salvaged dissipated. She schooled her face and nodded once.
“I guess that’s it’ she began and prayed her voice wouldn’t betray her “I’m glad things worked out well for you”
She walked to the couch where she had dropped her purse and picked it up. With her head held up high and her heart breaking, she made her way to the front door.
“I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t say see you around Yemmy because I hope I never do”
Yemmy, who had been watching with admiration as her friend tried to remain her prim and proper self in the face of the nastiness that just took place, was taken aback. So she didn’t know she and Kunle were on their way to Switzerland. The coward didn’t tell her. Why was she surprised? Left to Kunle, a postcard from London was the way he would have chosen to break the news of their affair. Well since she was already giving bad news, what’s one more?
“Oh you don’t have to worry about that" She paused "Kunle and I leaving the country. We leave for Switzerland in 2 days”
Oyin was surprised at how well she took the news. She must be numbed, she excused. Without a second glance, she walked out Yemmy’s two bedroom apartment. Her heart breaking as she closed the door to the friendship she had cherished for 4 yrs.
It seemed like yesterday, the headmistress of the all girls they both attended had called thrust upon her the duty of showing the new scholarship recipient around. The girls, different in physical appearance and behavior had immediately struck a friendship. . . an unusual one, people said but Oyin had dismissed it. The fact that the New Liberal Arts and Science building was named after her mother, didn't take away the fact that she was just another girl trying to make an emotional connection and who cared if the person at the receiving end was a girl whose mother sold second hands clothes in Gboko Market?
Yemmy’s felt a flash of pain go through her as the door closed behind Oyin. She felt the urge to call her back and tell her it was all a joke, a practical joke. They’ll hug and be friend again. . .but it wasn’t a joke, it was real and even if she could somehow erase the last 2hrs, the baby she was carrying can’t be erased. She touched her tummy, she was only 6 wks pregnant and already she knew she’d do anything for her baby. . .even if it meant destroying the only normal relationship she’d ever had in her 20yrs.
You take what you can, when you can. The world does not care for people like you and me. if you don't care for you no one will. Remember that!
Her mother’s voice echoed in her head. The motto she had lived by all her life. She walked back to the window just in time to see Oyin being engulfed in a hug by the guy who had sat outside in the burning sun for 2 hrs.
Bode Akins.
Yemmy watched as he rubbed Oyin’s back slowly. He whispered something to her and she nodded. He stepped back and helped her into the passenger’s side of his car. After shutting the door, he walked around to the driver side and got in. He started the car and slowly backed out of Yemmy’s drive way. When the car was nothing but a dot in the distance, Yemmy dropped the curtains.
Bode and Oyin.
Oyin and Bode.
One day, she thought Oyin would thank her.
Expression of Love
"A little to the left" he says softly
I obey.
"That's good"
I beam.
In and out.
The rhythm plays along with my heart beat.
Twist, Twist, Twist.
"Hold still"
I obey
"Excellent"
I duck my head and smile.
"You ready for this?"I nod.
My hands shake as his powerful tool hit the spot.
I am overcome with vibrations.
"You want me to stop?"
I shake my head.
"We're almost there"
I look up at his sweat soaked face.
In and out. In and out.
One last hit and it's over
"There" he says"
So beautiful."
He smiles "not bad for your first time"He pauses"Of course, I am good at what I do" he jokes as he puts away his drill, hammer, screw driver and nails.
"That you are. . ." I reply stroking the roof of doll house we have just set up. A birthday present for our 10 years old daughter
I obey.
"That's good"
I beam.
In and out.
The rhythm plays along with my heart beat.
Twist, Twist, Twist.
"Hold still"
I obey
"Excellent"
I duck my head and smile.
"You ready for this?"I nod.
My hands shake as his powerful tool hit the spot.
I am overcome with vibrations.
"You want me to stop?"
I shake my head.
"We're almost there"
I look up at his sweat soaked face.
In and out. In and out.
One last hit and it's over
"There" he says"
So beautiful."
He smiles "not bad for your first time"He pauses"Of course, I am good at what I do" he jokes as he puts away his drill, hammer, screw driver and nails.
"That you are. . ." I reply stroking the roof of doll house we have just set up. A birthday present for our 10 years old daughter
Rescue Me
He tugs my hair.
Twists my arm.
Bends my knees.
He drags me to the bathroom
Pushes my head down into the sink.
Scalding water burns my scalp.
He laughs. Not a peep I make.
He pulls me up by my wet hair.
I feel stands pop out of my scalp.
“You likey? Want another?
Into the toilet my head goes.
Laughter and flushing sound echo in my ears.
Suddenly the door opens.
My rescuer bursts in.
He gasps, tries to hide but it’s too late. . . he’s been caught.
Moooooom! Dayo is playing with my doll again!!!”
Twists my arm.
Bends my knees.
He drags me to the bathroom
Pushes my head down into the sink.
Scalding water burns my scalp.
He laughs. Not a peep I make.
He pulls me up by my wet hair.
I feel stands pop out of my scalp.
“You likey? Want another?
Into the toilet my head goes.
Laughter and flushing sound echo in my ears.
Suddenly the door opens.
My rescuer bursts in.
He gasps, tries to hide but it’s too late. . . he’s been caught.
Moooooom! Dayo is playing with my doll again!!!”
Saturday, May 24, 2008
My Valentine, My Life
Christian Pop Music plays in the background.
Pink feathery pen bounces between pink tongue and pink paper…
Dear Diary,
I want to know my Valentine.
To Know would be happiness for all involved
To be involved is to own the ultimate gift
To own the ultimate gift is to be loved by him
To be loved by him is to be cherished
To be cherished is to be his obsession
To be his obsession is to be his life
To be his life is to belong to him forever
To belong to him means I can't be free
To be free is to take leave of him
To leave him is to brave his anger
To brave his anger is to make him mad
To make him mad will be the death of me
.. . .On second thoughts, I don't want know my Valentine
The Winner Takes It All
Two identical notes lay on the table.On closer inspection, their differences concealed by distance and dim lighting, is apparent.
The note on the right, wrinkle free reads. . .
Dear Mom
It had to be done.
Don't miss me.
I love you
Jack.
The I in miss dotted with a smiley.
The note on the left, barely legible. . .angry slashes the Psychiatrist would later say, reads...
Dear Jill
I go to prepare a place in hell for you.
I hope the manner by which you get there is slow and painful.
It's the least you deserve for what you did to me.
See ya soon.
Love Jack
PS
I had the last word. I win.
Mama's Lessons: Dinner Date
Sitting at the table facing him, I couldn’t help but think about how we had gotten here. . .an incredible journey, some would say, a long and arduous road others will counter but what mattered was this - At long last, I got my wish! He was here with me and he’ll never leave.
“More Wine? I ask softly but no response. I didn’t need one because I knew. “Anticipate your guest’s needs” Mama’s lessons came to mind and so I poured. God! I wish he wouldn’t slouch in his chair but I guess it can’t be helped. . . a lifeless body will do that to ya.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Mama's Lesson: A Bath
I hate being wet. I hate the slow drops of water dripping down my body like a snake slithering down a tree. I hate the musky smell that comes from soap and water. I step into the bathroom, the tiles cold under my feet.
A shudde
ring breath later, I ask myself “Is this really necessary?” but mama’s strident voice echoes in my ears “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Cursing softly under my breath, I step in the tub and watch in amazement as the water turns red “Oh well, I guess she is right” I concede as I wash His blood off my body.
A shudde
ring breath later, I ask myself “Is this really necessary?” but mama’s strident voice echoes in my ears “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Cursing softly under my breath, I step in the tub and watch in amazement as the water turns red “Oh well, I guess she is right” I concede as I wash His blood off my body.
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